Maternity
by Karen Hart
Summary: Zeboim Era.  Late one night, Elly comes to terms with the daughter she will not bear.


**Maternity**

by Karen Hart

_Disclaimer: Xenogears and its related characters, settings, and trademarks are the property of Square Enix. I write these fanfictions for love the game, nothing more, and make no money off of them._

_Also, there may be glaring errors, as this was done under sleep deprivation. Please, pay them no heed. _

* * *

_Why am I doing this?_

Elly doesn't have an answer, but even so, she slips quietly from the bed, looking back to make sure that Kim is undisturbed. He rolls over, but otherwise, there's no sign that he's aware of her egress. Still, she holds her breath and steps into the first pair of pants she grabs hold of. Moments later, shod and passkey in hand, she slips out of the room.

It's not far to the lab, a fifteen minute walk at best, but the nighttime gloom—the shadows, the street lamps, the flickering neon from a club across the street—makes the journey somehow foreboding. She shouldn't be doing this, she points out to herself. She should go back to her room, back to her bed, and leave this for morning—sane, reasonable morning. But no, she's already there and swiping her key.

Kim has never kept her restricted from anything.

There are no guards. Elly has never thought much about it, but she supposes it makes sense. It's a government laboratory, and they have the full backing of the people, frantic and panicked though they be. There are, also, enough automated security measures to melt a human where he stands. So: no guards. She's a little disappointed, though; she was, in some small way, looking forward to sneaking past someone.

She isn't arrested or vaporized or otherwise hindered when she walks through the front doors, thanks to the sensors recognizing her as staff. They do, however, scan her for weapons or chemicals, beeping when they detect the metal of her pendant. She pulls it from under her shirt, inspecting it for a few seconds. It'd be hard to hurt someone with it, given all the blunt edges. Still, she tosses it into the tray by the security station, and heads straight for the elevator. No point in giving the security system anything to fret over.

_Down_, Elly requests, and the carriage takes her as far as it will go. _Down_, she requests of another elevator, and it too carries her as far down as it can. This far below the main lab, every camera is focused on her, watching for any hostile motion, any sign of misconduct. She keeps her hands in view, and her breath steady. _Just a bit further._

This last door wants a passphrase. She gives it, in alternating tones, and the lock is quickly released. Almost hesitant (and after coming all this way!) she steps into the small chamber, and rests her palm against the glass tube at the center.

"Hello," she says softly, or tries to, at least. Her mouth has gone dry; it's more of a croak than anything else. "Hello," she says again, voice clearer this time. The girl in the tube doesn't respond. "We met—Kim showed—I mean, I saw you this after—yesterday afternoon." She rubs her face with both hands. "I'm sorry. I'm acting like an idiot."

She steps back a bit, and falls silent. This is a mistake, she thinks for the nth time. She doesn't _need_ to slink out in the middle of the night, doesn't _need_ to avoid anyone. She can come here whenever she pleases. Except that, right now, she wants to be alone, and sure of it. No cheery greeting from the receptionist, no Kim ranting about low budgets and the necessity of miracles. Just herself, and the girl. She's come all this way, so she tries again.

"I guess you're going to be my…our…daughter. I have to admit this wasn't quite what I expected." She laughs briefly and shakes her head. "I guess, oh I don't know. I guess I thought I'd be having this conversation with a swollen midsection. But, well…" She spreads her hands out at the girl. Her left eyebrow quirks upward. "But you're in there and no part of me is swelled up. Maybe that's good though. A 'get out of labor free' card. Yeah."

The silence stretches out, though she doesn't check how long. "Hey," she starts again, finally, then closes her mouth again when she realizes the girl doesn't have a name yet. Kim will probably call her Emerald, or Jade, or something or other based on her hair color. Personally, she was planning on casting her vote for Emily. Or Sicily.

She licks her lips and tries yet again. "I'm sorry. I was expecting this to be different. There'd be a baby in the next room, and I'd have to get up at all hours of the day and night and feed her and take care of her, but I was sure I'd love every _minute_ of it. You know, I even decided how I wanted to decorate the room. The walls would be painted light blue on top for sky, and light green below, for grass. There'd be bright orange flowers where the colors met, and clouds would be painted on the ceiling. All the furniture would be white. But look at you. You're already much too big for any of that. Look at you. Mere months ago, I thought I had to give that up, and now I'm going to have—going to be mother to a little girl."

A yawn escapes her, and a look at the clock shows she's been there an hour. "Sorry about that. It is kind of late. I'm glad I came here though. I was hoping that maybe we could—once you got out of that tube, I mean—get to know each other, be friends for a bit, before I have to jump into being a mom to—" _a child I won't give birth to _ "—an eight year old girl." Elly smiles, and realizes after a moment that she means it. She takes a few steps toward the door. "Anyway, I'll be back probably tomorrow, and I'll get to hear Kim talk some more about how you'll be the angel that'll save all of us. Already the doting daddy, isn't he?"

Another smile, and a tentative wave. "So, sleep well."


End file.
